While rewatching episodes of greek yesterday and Rusty said something that hit home for me….”You can’t feel guilty over almost.”
In that moment my trails and tribulations of late just made sense. As much as I was in the present in my every day life, my romatic one was filled with “what ifs” and “maybes.” This can no longer be the case as it will not allow growth of any kind.
I find that once you distance yourself sufficiently from a situation, you are rewarded with perspective. This was something I managed to achive during my recent trip to europe.
A great many truths where revealed to me through introspection. Firstly, I was still interested in et, despite what I thought. I was substituting the attention of others as a means to not feel. Denial was an aphrodisiac that I couldn’t get enough of. Secondly, my friend stru and I would probably never be as we were. Something has shifted and no matter how hard I tried to figure out what changed or how to move forward or evolve, the damage had been done.
Honestly, I realised that I am a commitment phobe as well as empath. I always run when things feel as if they will progress to the next stage. Therefore I have no one to blame but myself for how things out. One thing I can do now though, is try mend the broken relationships as well as be mindful of my triggers.
If we are not learning we are not growing. At this stage in my life I am seeking enlightenment and a deeper undersranding of purpose. Each day it becomes a little clearer…